Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
