So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
