I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
