I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
