Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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