Screwed.edu
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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