you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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