I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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