google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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