ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
