I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
