Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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