I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
