Betty ford says i'm here all night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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