Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
