hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
