I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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