i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
my poor anus
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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