I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
