Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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