Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize