stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
