I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize