I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
