Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
