Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
