you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Someone signed my nipple.
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