Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize