The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
