and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
