i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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