he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize