Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
