I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
