There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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