How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
