Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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