I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
we should paint friendship bongs
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