take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
