I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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