I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
