I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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