I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
