im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can text with my tongue
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
