I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize