I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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