I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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