So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
