I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
