so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
