It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
