omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
