if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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