Your tits are I can't wait for
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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