yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
