i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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