the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
