Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize