new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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