Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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