If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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