we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize