I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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