does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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