So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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