gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
