Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
