I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
