Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
