She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
