ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
