you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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