i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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