im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
