I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
