my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
