It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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