Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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