Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
