I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
