I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
