I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
